Why Children Fail – Navigating Parenting Challenges

/ Dr. Pramila Kudva

This is the second in the series Why Children Fail. The focus is on Parenting and how it should work with the school in tandem.

Parenting is never easy. It demands patience, empathy, and resilience. The teenage years, in particular, can be overwhelming for both parents and children. The African proverb “It takes a village to raise a child” beautifully captures this truth. A child’s upbringing is not the responsibility of the school alone, nor the family alone—it is a shared journey. Visiting a school to see before taking admission will give an overview of the structure, but not where the heart lies.

Is it necessary to spend huge sums of money on school education to be successful? Sunder Pichai or Satya Nadela did not attend IB Boards. Ask yourself: “What is the biggest challenge our family has faced in supporting our child’s education?”

Let me take up the situation during COVID lockdown since maximum damage happened during this time. This damage is still not fully set right.

Fallout of the Covid Lockdown

Take the example of Bijal. Her school sends worksheets and videos daily, but the family has only one smartphone to share. Her father has lost his job, and her mother, a homemaker, is more worried about their life than about the lessons. News channels keep broadcasting alarming updates—death tolls, infections, and the lack of a cure.

For Bijal, insecurity and helplessness are natural outcomes. Fear of the future, uncertainty, and disrupted learning create invisible burdens. Here, schools can step in: the active involvement of school counsellors as a support system can make a crucial difference.

Lack of Resources and Constraints during Covid lockdown

Many families struggled with:

  • Limited devices at home— siblings clashing over overlapping class timings.
  • Unstable internet connections, affecting synchronous learning.
  • Small, crowded homes offering no private learning space.
  • Fear of losing family members to COVID

Studies have shown that the lockdown also led to learning loss, particularly in mathematics and language skills among children from lower socio-economic groups. You can read more about learning loss on https://pramilakudva.com/2020/09/28/publications-summer-learning-loss-2/

References: Kudva Pramila, Dealing with Summer Learning Loss, Teacher, the Professional Development community for Educators, October – December 2018.  

Parenting Styles and Their Impact

These parents were woken up at 3 am by the police. They informed that their son was involved in a car accident and summoned them to the police station. Their son had taken the car keys without the knowledge of the parents for a spin with his friends. Is this something that you have heard? Why does this happen?

Parenting is a lifelong learning process. In the 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind identified three parenting styles—authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. Later, researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin added a fourth—neglectful parenting.

Each style leaves lasting marks on a child’s psyche, often carrying into adulthood.

1. Authoritarian (Strict & Controlling)

  • Motto: “My way or the highway.”
  • High rules, harsh punishments, low affection.
  • Consequences: Children may develop low self-esteem, struggle to make independent decisions, and constantly seek external validation.

2. Authoritative (Firm but Nurturing)

  • Balanced approach: assertive but not harsh.
  • Encourages independence with clear boundaries.

To illustrate: Before buying a toy, involve your child in checking the budget and making the decision.

  • Benefits: Children grow more confident, responsible, and resilient.

3. Permissive (Overly Indulgent)

  • Few or no rules, children “rule the roost.”

Example: A toddler misbehaving in a restaurant while parents remain passive. I remember an instant at the airport. We were waiting at the gate. Two kids were running around, creating commotion, troubling the staff at the gate. Their mother was on the phone and not bothered by the chaos created by her kids.

There was a case of a young student who went to a 5-star hotel to celebrate with his friends and wanted to drive the BMW on the way back. When the driver refused, the grandfather ordered that the ‘sloshed’ grandson could be permitted to drive. That the car met with an accident is another story.

  • Risks: Poor emotional control, difficulty in handling challenges, and higher risk of antisocial behaviours like substance abuse.

4. Neglectful (Uninvolved)

  • Minimal interaction, emotional disconnect.
  • Consequences: Depression, rebellious behaviour, relationship struggles, and alienation.

Lifestyle Habits and Academic Success

  • Nutrition: Skipping breakfast, irregular meals, and junk food lower energy and concentration. Healthy eating supports better outcomes.
  • Sleep: Quality rest improves memory, problem-solving, and overall cognitive performance. The age old saying ‘Early to bed early to rise makes a person healthy wealthy and wise’ has  a lot of wisdom.
  • Screen Time: Excessive exposure to smartphones and social media disrupts sleep, reduces focus, and weakens executive function.

Actionable Takeaways for Parents and Schools

  • Provide scaffolding and extra support for students who are lagging behind.
  • Organise home visits by counsellors to better understand each child’s background.
  • Share simple, practical tips with parents to improve home support.
  • Conduct regular PTMs with the goal of collaboration, not criticism.
  • Create awareness about healthy routines, screen time balance, and mobile addiction.

Every child’s success depends on the unseen ecosystem of home and school. When both work together, even the toughest challenges can be transformed into stepping stones.

Relating Sundar Pichai’s Success to Parenting

  • Sundar Pichai did not grow up with luxuries. His parents raised him in a small house with very limited resources—but they gave him something far more valuable: a nurturing environment filled with encouragement and values.
  • His father shared his love for technology with him, sparking curiosity. Parents can take note: share your interests with your children—it plants seeds for their passions.
  • His mother gave up her own career for the family, showing that children thrive when they feel secure and supported.
  • Most importantly, they valued education and made sacrifices to ensure he could study further. Parents don’t always need to give children the “best gadgets” or “biggest comforts.” What matters is believing in your child, supporting their dreams, and instilling humility and resilience.

Message to Parents:
You don’t need to be rich or have everything figured out to raise a successful child. What Sundar Pichai’s story tells us is this:

  • Create a curious mind at home. Young Sunder would tinker around with things which was appreciated by the parents.
  • Be supportive even when resources are limited.
  • Show children values through your own life. Be a role model.
  • Give them confidence to dream big.
  • Provide the support when needed. Sunder Pichai said in one of the interviews that his father’s annual salary was equal to his air ticket to Stanford!

Success is not built on comfort, but on the values and courage parents pass on at home. Like Sundar Pichai’s parents, let us remember—our greatest gift to our children is not wealth, but the values, encouragement, and belief that help them soar.